I truly had the most horrendous adolescence you can imagine.It’s too far back in time for me to put the bits and pieces together.There are memories and scars which I will briefly recount and can’t fully understand. No need to know the why’s and wherefore’s now and many of the problems I encountered must have been the stuff all adolescents of that time grappled with. I found it unusually difficult growing up.
I had a low self esteem and a deep insecurity — where did this come from ? I was often lonely with frequent bouts of depression.There where times,I understand,when I went through days on end immersed in my own thoughts and not saying a word to any one.I was disappointed in myself — now where did that come from,considering I had loads of talent and was way above average in almost every facet of life.I wanted to be successful in life and remained paranoid about this for most of my career.It would be a drab recital of my youth and maladjustment if I tried to get to the root of these issues; enough to say I was a completely maladjusted adolescent– a boy interrupted if you may say so.
These are the problems with out any qualification and purely from hindsight and the wisdom of age.
I did not have companionship of my age with whom I could confide in and share the pains and pangs of growing up.Nor could I share my troubles with either parents or a role model or mentor.The lack of a mentor or life coach was a huge drawback which set me back in personal development.I had huge aspirations but no goals, no game plans and neither the guidance of a mentor nor the wisdom to understand that life is all about choices and I had the full ability to make my own choices and shape the course of my life and career.
My family, and particularly, my mother had a very strong influence on my life, unfortunately in ways not always good for me.Bless her soul.That’s probably the source of the deep rooted insecurity I carried for decades, or the inhibited behaviour or the need to please. That may be the reason for such a big sense of relief when I left home for my first job in B’lore . I will quote snatch from the diary of that turbulent time to relive the major concerns and feelings I carried during those formative days in an unedited flash back. All things considered I was far too immersed in issues and concerns of little consequence. I did not know it then and it was decades later that I realised the folly of my ways. My mother told me that I was going through a particularly bad astrological period in my youth; they call it the 7 1/2 year bad period. Perhaps !?